One of the things about being a mother, partner and a contributing member of society is that it’s easy to lose yourself behind each of those titles.

When my birthday came around this year, few noticed. People I consider friends went the whole day without acknowledgement. When my daughter turned 13 a month later, though, so many of my friends and family came out of the woodwork to wish her a happy birthday.

When my partner wants or needs something, I jump to be attentive, thoughtful, and to anticipate his needs. When I want or need something, though, I tend to set my feelings aside and ignore it. My plans revolve around him, not because I feel like it has to be this way, but because I know it’s the right thing to do.

When my community needs help, I step up without question. I do so with the hope that I can make even just the smallest contribution that will make others’ lives better. When it comes to my place in the world, though, I do not take credit or hold a spotlight around my efforts. If I didn’t say something, no one would know any of the things I do behind the scenes.

I don’t say any of this for you to feel bad for me, or to try and earn credit for doing the things I’m already doing. I say this out of an increased awareness around just how easy it is to let our identities fall through the cracks of our own lives.

This has nothing to do with feeling like a victim; rather, it is a reminder of how far we are willing to go to give ourselves up for the people and things that we love (even if it means falling silently into the background.)

We all know that phrase, “Something’s got to give.” In my life, the moment that things get too chaotic or overwhelming, the first things I voluntarily give up are the things that make me who I am: writing, reading, daydreaming, hitting the mats, and spending time alone to name a few. The problem is that, life is always chaotic and overwhelming, and circumstances will never be perfect. One day, I can say to myself “I will spend thirty minutes writing every morning,” and the next thing I know, weeks will have passed where I haven’t written anything at all.

Before long, I am having an identity crisis and asking myself, “Can I even say that I’m a writer anymore?”

Sooner or later, I find myself watching as the things that make me who I am fade in the rearview mirror while the promise of “someday” whispers from a tiny corner of my heart.

What’s worse is the realization that the moment my identity starts to disappear, I feel like I become invisible to the world, too.

I am scared because I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I’ve lost everything that I am to the machine of life. I want to be seen for the person I know myself to be, not just the functions that I serve and the titles that I hold. I want to let my spirit soar, to live with meaning and conviction, and to watch my dreams come to life before my eyes. Yes, being a good mother, partner, family member and friend are all part of the design, but somewhere in there… I want to be seen for who I am, too. I believe part of that includes feeling like I’m actually part of the world around me, and not just contributing to it.

The cadence of life is unforgiving, but I feel like I’ve got to find a way to get my footing amid all the chaos. If I can’t look at my own life and see myself, then how will anyone else see me, too?

What’s worse is how I feel about putting all these emotions into words. As I read them back to myself, my inner critic is screaming, “Stop complaining. You’re looking for attention. Actions speak louder than words.”

It’s so frightening, because I can’t help but feel like I am selfish and ego-driven for wanting to be seen as part of the world. It’s almost like I have to ask for permission to feel the way I do without feeling embarrassed or like I’m asking for too much. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s why so many of us suffer in silence, because we are reluctant to speak our heart and our minds around what it’s like to find our footing in the world.

I’ll take a chance on my feelings, though, in the hopes that I’m not the only one who feels like this. In my heart, think there’s no way I’m the only person out there who struggles to find themselves in the midst of everything.

If you do, I’ll lend you this: I see you.

I see you, even if you don’t see yourself. I see your quiet strength. I see how hard you try. I see your thankless efforts. I see what you wish would be seen amid the things you’re supposed to be. I see the bleak moments in between the beautiful ones where you question why on earth you should be feeling this way, even when you have so much.

If I could change the way things are, I would. For those who feel the way I do, please know that you are in good company. If you suspect that there are others who feel this way too, you’re right. We’re right here.

I don’t have all the answers in this big, crazy, beautiful life, but if there’s one thing I can offer, it’s that I hope that we can help each other find ourselves along the way.